Why I Haven’t Been Struck By Lightning

elijah

“I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you.” (Leviticus 26:9)

I can say some pretty edgy things. A case could be made that my mouth has often veered out of control, even bordered the blasphemous. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen people nervously leaning away from me in case God decides to blast me into oblivion. That has never happened to me that I know of, though I have gotten stuck in some bad traffic.

I attribute the small fact that I’m still around to the big fact that God is a covenant kind of Deity. God honors the contract even when the other party’s a total jerk.

Look at the venerated heroes of the Bible. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were liars, cheaters, and dweebs of the first order. King David was horny and homicidal. Solomon was the most screwed up wise man who ever lived. The list goes on.

What do they all have in common? They had deals with the Almighty that went something like this:

GOD: Okay. How about this? I be your God and bless you.

HERO: That’s sounds interesting. Uh, what do I have to do?

GOD: Nothing really. Just let me like you.

HERO: I don’t have to anything at all?

GOD: Nope. I’ll protect you, make you rich and famous, and if you get into trouble, I’ll bail you out—sort of like an unlimited Get Out of Jail Free card.

HERO: So, basically, I let you be my God and I can do whatever I want and you’ll cover for me?

GOD: That’s pretty much the deal.

HERO: Gee. Okay.

You see, when you’ve got a contract with the one and only all-powerful supreme being you really don’t have much to worry about. If he cut the deal, he’s not likely to blow your boat out of the water. There are situations when he gets a little miffed, but if the Biblical record is any indication he usually takes it out on innocent bystanders, not the business partner.

So I figure if he hasn’t smoked me yet—and I’ve given him plenty of provocation—he’s not likely to smoke me now. We’ve got a deal. I let him be my God and he lets me get away with stuff.

What a great religion.

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2 Responses

  1. does that mean the rest of us need to stand clear, just in case, since you wouldn’t be the one blown out of the water? 🙂

  2. I think I may have been singed once… as an innocent bystander of yours.

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