Yada Yada Yada

So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and some who do not understand or some unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind? (1 Corinthians 14:23)

This speaking in tongues thing is weirdness squared. I’m not sure what was going on in God’s mind when he decided to invent it, but it’s a pretty sure bet that he wasn’t using the left side of his omniscient brain. I mean, how in the world did he come up with this anyway?

GOD: Okay. We’ve got gifts of healing and faith, words of knowledge and wisdom, a few apostles, prophets, evangelists, and pastors. I think we’ve got the basics covered here. Anything we’re missing boys?

JESUS: How about the gift of miraculous powers? That’d be kind of cool for them to mess with.

GOD: Good idea. A few fireworks should keep them happy for a while. Anything else?

JESUS: You know, the discerning of spirits might be a smart one. There’s so much riff raff moving in down there.

GOD: Done. Good thinking, son. Say, how about you Ghost? You’re the courier. Anything else you want in your backpack before we send you down there?

GHOST: Shun da la shun da la.

GOD: What’s that?

GHOST: P-p-p-p-p-pa ma ma ma.

GOD: What’s he saying, son? I can hardly hear over the damn racket of these four living creatures. Hey, guys! Guys! GUYS! Shut up for a minute for my sake, will you?

JESUS: Gee Dad, I don’t know what to make of it. Sounds like gibberish to me.

GOD: Speak up, Ghost. We’re having trouble making you out.  Papa and mama what?

GHOST: La la p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p. Shun da la la la.

JESUS: Dude, snap out of it. You’re freaking me out.

GOD: Maybe he needs to lie down or something.

GHOST: Yaba dabba doo.

JESUS: You need a drink? We got any smelling salts around here?

GOD: I haven’t seen anything like this since Mount Carmel.

JESUS: Let’s get him on his way. The work might settle him down.

GOD: Send him down there like that?

GHOST: Sha-boom sha-boom, sha na na na na na na na na na.

JESUS: You wanna listen to that all day?

GOD: Well, okay. But I have a feeling this is going to be nothing but trouble.

JESUS: Let’s throw in the gift of interpretation too.

GOD: How’s that going to work? Even I can’t understand him.

JESUS: I have a feeling that’s not going to be much of an issue.

GOD: If you say so. All right, Ghost. You’re outta here!

GHOST: Doo doo doo down doobee doo down down.

JESUS: Remember to write!

GHOST: (fading) Come-a come-a down doobee doo down down.

GOD: I never could figure that guy out.

.   .   .

—Well, do you have any better ideas?

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2 Responses

  1. Very funny. I could say I’d stand clear of you for a while but I’ve got my own issues….

    It seems to me that those who have the gift of tongues appreciate it, and those who don’t have it, outright or secretly wish they did. Yet for both parties it can, unfortunately, be connected with spiritual maturity – which it is not. Just like the other gifts.

    What’s my point? Do I need one?

  2. I have to admit, that one left me laughing out loud. I cringe at the “d” word and it’s implications (not that I haven’t said it myself), but I just couldn’t help but laugh.

    It did provoke me to read, “Why I haven’t been struck by lightning” though.

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