Hyding Jeckyll


For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:19)

There are two of me.

One is the public, devastatingly handsome, profoundly spiritual, creative genius-type dude with an incandescent intellect, sweat sculpted 3-pack, gloriously reckless sense of humor, unassailable ego, hip sense of style, thermonuclear wit, razor-sharp lexicon, unshakable integrity, disarming honesty, and enviable humility.

Then there’s that other guy. The secret guy. He keeps a way low profile. For good reason, too. This guy ain’t no saint. In fact, he’s bad. Badder than dead Michael. Badder than old King Kong. Badder than Leroy Brown. Bad. Bad. Bad. He’s an inside job. He’s corrupt, craven, carnal, covetous, conceited, contemptuous, contemptible, capricious, coarse, cruel, crooked, contaminated, cantankerous, and crass. He specializes in hypocrisy, hedging, and hedonism. He can spit in truth’s eye. He is sensual, sacrilegious, sarcastic, spiteful, and insincere. He can make God disappear long enough to do his dark desires. He’s incorrigible and uninterested in redemption. He’s also my hands down, under the table, knee-jerk, nobody’s looking favorite.

Don’t get me wrong. I kind of like the public guy too; he’s a righteous dude, even impressive from time to time. He’s the guy I want everybody to notice. He’s the guy I take to church, the guy who will stand with pride before the Burn Your Face Off Majesty on the last day. The righteous dude likes being holy; he and God are buddies. But the secret guy will have none of that pansy, goody two-shoes boringness. The secret guy wants what he wants when he wants it, which is usually now. The secret guy thinks God is a wet blanket, a guilt trip, a prudish old school marm with saggy boobs. The secret guy loves all things sordid and salacious. The secret guy’s into some serious shiitake.

I wish I could say that the righteous dude wins out most of the time. After all, the bad have a crappy prognosis. But the truth is that, head to head, the other guy usually scores. For sure, the righteous dude has his moments (and feels so spiritual about them), but his small victories are rarely triumphs over the dark side. The righteous dude usually just picks up what the secret guy doesn’t want or is just too tired to care about. The plain fact is that the righteous dude is the underdog in nearly every contest. What’s weird is that the righteous dude is supposed to be the undisputed champion of my world—at least that’s what the user manual says.  Go figure. Maybe it’s a typo.

I’m sure I would be better off siding with the righteous dude most of the time. But that would mean a life of delayed gratification. Are you kidding? Via la ready brew.

Of course, I’m of two minds on the matter.


3 Responses

  1. It seems that this is a condition which is common to most, if not all, of those who choose to follow Christ. Abraham before Abimelech, David with Bathsheba, Solomon with his 700 wives and, as if they weren’t enough to satisfy his lusts, his 300 concubines. Then there’s Paul (the holiest man in the bible… or at least the only one that’s ever read in the modern church) with his infamous Romans 7 outcry.

    I can relate to this. Inside of me there is a very evil person who loves his sin- but that person is slowly being replaced with something better.

    We typically think of our “inner man” being the holy one and our “outer man” being the sinful deeds of the flesh; but what you’ve demonstrated is that the inner man can be a scheming swindler when he tries to portray himself as being righteous.

    “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord”

  2. Brilliant. Painfully accurate. Were you reading my Journal?

  3. “And also among the names of God…… Burn Your Face Off Majesty.” I like it! I’m going to test it out in the public prayer arena.

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