Made Service

Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
—1 Corinthians 11:9

I’m a very athletic supporter of feminism. I think the equality of sex should be something everybody shoots for, whether man, woman, or both. Personally, I would attend every bra burning I could find if they still held them. Nothing firms up a man’s convictions like a woman with all her parts liberated. This feeling is shared by most guys, I think, though I’m probably more of a professional at it.

But this doesn’t mean that women are free and clear. The Bible is clear that women are not the bosses of men. The Apostle Paul is very helpful to men by reminding women that they’re supposed to knuckle under, although you can support a woman’s right to lose just about anywhere you point in the Bible. Most men know these Bible verses by heart (though they rarely get to say them out loud). Women, on the other hand, seem to have a tough time remembering them for some reason, so I thought it a good idea to list some of the more spiritual ones for review:

  • Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
  • For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. (1 Corinthians 11:8)
  • It is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. (1 Corinthians 14:35)
  • I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. (1 Timothy 2:12)
  • And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. (1 Timothy 2:14)
  • Finally, the woman died. (Matthew 22:27)

The main idea here is that women should always kowtow to men. The reason for this is because God made Adam first. It was only after Adam couldn’t get along with the animals that God decided to make Eve. The hard fact of the matter is that women, no matter how well stacked, are an afterthought. They weren’t even part of the original plan. But when God saw that Adam really could use a roll in the hay with something closer to his own species, he jerry-ribbed a woman for him, which is as close as God could pull off on such short notice. The operative idea here, though, is that the woman was made for him, not the other way around. As long as women understand this, there aren’t as many issues; it’s when women think they’re God’s gift to men that the problems begin.

Like I said, I’m on top of women’s causes all the way. Cross my heart. I want women to get a leg up in life. But I’m no pantywaist when it comes to religion. Besides, God is a guy himself. Jesus is a guy too. And though the Holy Spirit may be more Metro than the others, the virgin birth thing should lay his sexual orientation to rest once for all. Since God is not just one but three guys (guy cubed), women should just accept their second place situation and get on with it. Believe me, if women would finally get it in their heads that they’re around for the benefit of men, everything would work a lot more smoothly, especially for the guys.

I realize, of course, that there are some women who have different ideas. Well, I can’t help that. Women who want to level off what God meant to be tilted are fighting against nature. Not only that, they’ll most likely have a tough time getting a second date. A guy wants a girl who will fawn over him and make him feel like a head; he wants a woman who will accept her God-given responsibility, who will understand that without him she’s just a wo.

.   .   .


9 Responses

  1. in the end, what makes your art so good is the fine line between burning irony and acid truth. (you’re the religious colbert!) and this post is the scorcher of all scorchers.

    in the past, as a “modern, liberated man”, i would have only considered the irony. today, i am not so sure…

    dear ann,

    should i be concerned??

  2. Love it, Fred! Honest and straightforward, but with a lurking sense of perversion. Very funny.

  3. I don’t know Fred. That blond hair is really offensive. Even provocative. Definitely your most shocking post.

  4. The “wo” part of this duo is laughing so hard she can’t even read this post aloud, let alone see. (Matthew 22:27 could come true very soon here.) So while Tammy sings her little heart out for the edification of the other occupant of our house, we’ll try to regroup so we can dig deep and benefit from your, uh, research.

  5. The innuendo! Hilarious Fred~ I think you’re the only person I know who can write this and not terribly offend this breeding stay at home wife. 🙂

  6. cheeky…

  7. I can only say what I always say after reading ODF.
    Shocking. Ribald. I love it.

  8. This post is the definition of “edgy” .

  9. Can anyone ascertain what Fred actually really truly thinks about anything?

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