As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. (1 Peter 1:14)

Sin is fun.  The Bible admits it (He 11:25).  I, for one, can’t say that I got religion because I stopped having fun in the cesspool of dissipation.  Hell, no.  I was having the time of my freaking life down there in the mire.  And, come on—who really likes the good guy in the movies?  They are such dweebs.  We all like the bad dude, the cool guy in black, the one radiating just a touch of menace and that street savoir faire.  Jesus is nice, but Judas is da man.  I mean really.  When the spit hits the fan who you gonna call, Gandhi?  Woe be to the Batman who has to play opposite Ledger’s Joker.   Let’s face it: wicked is cool.

But the Bible is a blunt instrument.   It divides all humanity into basically two groups:  the obedient and the stupid.  The obedient are those who figure out that God saved their keister from the flaming jaws of death so that they will do what he tells them.  Most of the time God’s commands are pretty clear—stuff like “Kill all those people over there and take their land” or “Don’t smoke in non-designated areas.”  In the New Testament the rules are even easier.  No more killing your enemy (yeah, right)  or worrying about whether your underwear is edible.  It’s pretty much down to “tolerate your neighbor” and “avoid transfats.”

The idea is that when people join the hallelujah club their lives are supposed to look different.  If somebody was a serial murderer before, he’s supposed to change hobbies afterward.  If some guy dressed up in a lavender evening dress with red pumps before he had his God encounter, afterward he’s supposed to be ashamed that he tried to wear lavender and red together.  The whole point of getting saved in the first place is to regain some kind of fashion sense.

In fact, as far as the Bible is concerned, sin is stupidity in action.  Wickedness is plain idiotic.  When God does you a favor and rescues you from an eternity of endless torment and cold coffee, it’s probably a good idea not to continue acting like a brainless, morally constipated Cretin.

Then again, it seems a shame to give up something you’re good at.


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