Uphill Both Ways


The path of life leads upward for the wise to keep him from going down to the grave. (Proverbs 15:24)

So why is it always uphill for the good guys?  Why can’t we have gravity on our side for once?  If we have to climb Jacob’s ladder, couldn’t we at least have an escalator?  Why do we have to take the narrow road?  They say the neon lights are bright on the broad way.  They say there’s always magic in the air.  Why can’t we take that one for a change?

How is uphill better anyway?  Who made that up?  Even the guy who wrote the proverb can only tell me that going uphill keeps me from going downhill.  Like, duh.  I didn’t exactly have to read the Bible to find that one out.  Besides, if you’re half dead by the time you get to the top, what’s the difference?

The Buddha, after sitting under a Bodhi tree for 49 days, gets enlightened.  He concludes that life is suffering, which is a no-brainer if you’ve been sitting under a tree for 49 days.  Your butt hurts like hell, your legs feel like pretzels dipped in Tabasco sauce, and you’ve got a case of constipation like nobody’s business.  But what kind of philosophy is that?  Give him a nice massage and some roughage and he’s doing the hoochie coochie.

The ancient Greeks had this guy, Sisyphus, who had to push a big rock up a steep hill over and over for, like, forever.  According to them, this was a bummer; Zeus was punishing Sisyphus.  What is it we don’t get?  Uphill bad; downhill good.

You’d think God would make it easier to wise up instead of harder.  You’d think he’d put all the bad stuff at the top of the hill where we’d really have to try to get at it.  But this is a trend with God.  He puts the one Tree that can screw up our prospects right in the middle of the garden where everybody can find it.  I’d have put that sucker on Mount Everest.  And why didn’t he post the badass angel with the light saber there before Eve bit it?  What was he thinking?

This upside down system mucks up everything.  Good food is bad for you.  Healthy food tastes like—well, like vegetables.  Exercise is good so you hate it.  The list goes on and on.  Basically, if you like it, it’s going to kill you.  And you can be pretty sure, if you hate it, you probably should be eating it, doing it, thinking it, or reading it.

But I’ll keep on climbing, not for the view (which ain’t always much to look at), but because the alternative seems a bit iffy.  Give my regards to Broadway.


One Response

  1. I enjoyed this one. It’s a bit gentler than some other posts, and has put me in a good frame of mind this morning.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s