Fuzzy Was He?

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Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?” (Ecclesiastes 3:21)

There are advantages to being an animal. For one, it’s probably better than being a vegetable or mineral, though I wouldn’t know for sure. Also, animals can urinate and mate in public without embarrassment. This is a major plus. Their refreshing lack of moral stuffiness probably has something to do with it.

It’s true that, technically, we humans are animals as well. It’s also true that, with the advent of the internet, we too can urinate and mate in public if we choose or watch others do it without embarrassment in the privacy of our homes—when nobody’s looking. This is a major plus. And most of us (including the prudes) secretly practice a selective moral laxness that we find, if not refreshing, certainly enjoyable.

It’s getting harder and harder to distinguish between man and beast these days. About the only thing we’ve been able to hang onto was our soul which we believed set us apart from those lesser creatures. Inside these earthly bodies we were eternal spirits which, unlike Fido and Tweetie, were headed for the Promised Land.  So here’s Mr. Ecclesiastes—Solomon—Mr. Wiseguy himself—telling us he’s not sure about our heavenly trajectory? Wait a minute. He’s saying that he’s a little fuzzy on where we go after we kick the bucket? He’s saying that Sylvester might go up while I go freaking down? That’s like Rand McNally confessing to drawing his maps while on LSD.

If Solomon was so dang wise, how come he couldn’t figure this thing out? There is one possibility.  Maybe God only made him mostly wise.  This would enable him to write a bunch of helpful proverbs and still leave room for major stupidities like having 700 wives and 300 concubines before Viagra was invented. This would also explain how good old Solomon could have the Big Kahuna God appear to him and then later decide to worship statues of fat ladies or bulls instead.  This would also help explain why some of his other sayings are a little obtuse.  For example, Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where it falls, there will it lie. Gee, thanks, Sol.  (Must have been a long night.) I guess nobody can win them all.

So pet owners take heart!  Your pooch may be able to pee on the pearly gates after all. Unfortunately, Solomon’s not so sure you’ll be there to clean up after him.  Could be a messy subdivision up there. I’d start making other plans if I were you.

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