Life Under the Rainbow


Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. (1 John 2:6)

I’m as much of a wishful thinker as the next guy. In a perfect world I’m about four inches taller, have thick, dark hair, a sculpted nose, and a body the Greek gods would die for. In a perfect world I would bask in the acclaim so due me for my sparkling wit, blazing intellect, literary power, and bleeding edge sense of humor. In that perfect world everyone would recognize my superior spirituality and conclude, as they ought, that God must be just the tiniest bit envious of me.

In the real world things are different. In the real world I have to drag myself out of bed to face the mirror, a mirror that reflects somebody depressingly unlike George Clooney. In the real world I have to deal with dolts, idiots, imbeciles, ingrates, and a fair share of self-absorbed ego-fascists who think they’re as good as me. In the real world I am not a rock god or a movie star. I hate the real world.

Which is one of the reasons I like the God thing. It’s so up there. In the Bible I can read about angels and walking on water and lust and murder and divine love and the destruction of the world and other cool stuff like that. It’s like a reminder that there are other important things besides reality. It’s when people try to jam the God thing into the real world that we start having trouble.

Take this Bible verse by John, for instance: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. Now who in his right mind would think such a thing? Nobody in the real world would, that’s for sure. Considering what happened to Jesus, I’m thinking he might even shift gears the second time around. John was obviously getting his worlds confused. This is understandable when you figure in the fact that he was a very old guy who had spent way too long on an island. He started seeing swimmy visions of all kinds of wacko stuff and writing it down, kind of like Jimmy Buffet. Come to think of it, the book of Revelation does seem like it was written from Margaritaville. We have to cut John a little slack for that. Still, it’s important for us to keep perspective here anyway.

There are many other Bible verses which can’t be taken seriously in the real world. Be holy, because I am holy is one of them. I mean, come on. Maybe you could pull that off in church for an hour or so, but that’s about it. Another example is when Jesus says “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” Just try asking once and you’ll see what I mean. (I did and I’m still not a rich, famous, Clooney-looking rock god, though I’m still praying about that one.)

On the whole it’s best to keep the God thing up there somewhere over the rainbow. Down here in the real world you gotta do what you gotta do.  Down here in the real world people don’t walk on water. Still, it’s nice to know that somewhere over the rainbow pigs do fly.


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