Yuck Yuck Yuck

yuck

With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. (Acts 1:18)

Judas had guts. He secretly appropriated funds from the disciple’s bag account. He cut deals with the religious power-brokers of his day. Oh, yes. He also betrayed the Son of the Most High God, Creator of the Universe, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Judge of the LIving and the Dead, and Incarnate Deity. No small task.

Of course not many people appreciate his pluck. He won the history’s greatest sinner award (just edging out the inventor of  reality television) and is forever associated with every kind of treachery. Dante stuck Judas at the bottom of hell where Satan chews him for eternity. The dude must be some tough meat.

If being a responsible adult is doing what you’ve got to do, then Judas gets my vote as the most responsible person ever. Jesus said that Judas was “doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.” This means that God had assigned the task of betrayal to Judas who was just doing his job—and an important job it was. Without Judas, nobody would have handed Jesus over to the authorities. And if nobody would have handed Jesus over to the authorities, Jesus would not have been sentenced to death and crucified. And if Jesus had not been crucified he would not have had the chance to rise from the dead. And, as the Apostle Paul wrote, if Jesus had not risen from the dead we’d all be looking at an eternity of infernal mastication. In other words, the world’s salvation hinges upon Judas doing his job.

So what does he get for his trouble? Doom, for one thing. But, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Judas also gets one of the grossest, most problematic exit scenes possible. One report has Judas purchasing a field with the money he earned for a job well done where he falls down and spills his guts. In another report, Judas throws the money into the temple and then hangs himself. To protect the inerrant Bible from errancy, we can shoehorn the two different accounts together thus: Judas, protesting his lousy retirement plan, throws his final paycheck into the temple where it is picked up by his employers who buy a field in Judas’ name where, unknown to them, Judas has just hung himself and upon seeing his body dangling from a tree like a morbid Christmas ornament and obstructing the view they cut him down (immediately raising the property value) whereupon the dead and bloated Judas falls to the ground and, being understandably discomposed by his situation, splits open like an overcooked bratwurst.

Poor Judas. For his dirty work he is forever hailed the patron saint of sinners. Having done the job assigned to him, he churns, gutless and unappreciated, in the mouth of the devil himself. To handle that kind of punishment must take major intestinal fortitude.

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