Jam-Packed Jesus


For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form. (Colossians 2:9)

I went to the circus once and saw this teeny little car putt into the ring. The door opened and out popped a clown. And then another. And then another. And another. And another and another and another and another until there were at least ten regular-sized clowns standing there. How they got all those guys in that little car is beyond me; it was probably a trade secret.

Back in the Middle Ages they wanted to know how many angels could fit on the head of a pin. In the 1950s they tried to see how many guys could fit in a phone booth. Today, tech companies are trying to see how much information they can cram on a microchip. Humans love the challenge of stuffing as much as we can into as little space as possible. Cruise ships and women’s purses are good examples.

Apparently God likes the challenge too. First he crams creation into six days. For anybody else it would have taken a least a couple of months, maybe even more if you figure in coffee breaks. Next, God jams two of every kind of land animal into Noah’s ark. Unlike the creation thing where he had tons of extra space to work with, the ark posed severe size problems. Even so, with some creative logistics and (probably) lots of animal tranquilizers, God manages to back up the earth’s gene pool in preparation for a wet reboot.

But as impressive as all this is, nothing compares to God cramming himself—lock, stock, and barrel—into the human body of Jesus Christ. This has got to be the world record for data compression. Here’s the infinitely huge deity of the universe funneling himself down into a single guy on a small planet in a backwash of a drop-in-the-bucket galaxy. I’m not sure how he did it, but I figure it involved a running start and some sinus congestion. That he could pull it off at all suggests some serious double-jointing.

Having all that God crammed into Jesus must have pushed the physical limits to the max. The inner pressure must have been incredible. His body was probably just barely holding together. One false move and—BANG—confetti savior. Many of the miracles can be seen as safety valves, releasing controlled amounts of divine energy to ease the danger of early planetary annihilation. Even so, the famous transfiguration scene is evidence that the world came terrifying close to runaway supernatural fusion. Thankfully, Jesus was able to pull himself together before any serious damage was done, though the three disciples who witnessed the event did show signs of disorientation consistent with divine radiation exposure.

The crucial event, however, was the crucifixion. Oblivious to the volatile nature of Christ’s body, the soldiers drove nails into it. The act was akin to pushing pins into an inflated balloon. Though there was a three-day delay (probably because Jesus was really tired), the explosion did indeed come in the form of the resurrection. The detonation shook the known world and permanently altered the landscape of heaven and hell (they’re still cleaning up down there). You can still hear echoes of the explosion in some places on Sunday mornings.

After this, and with no little relief, Jesus finally exchanged his mortal body for a new spiritual one. But even though his new body has improved specs, Jesus thought it was better to head back to heaven to avoid any accidents.

He’s still a time-bomb though.


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