Pinched Nerve


“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12)

So much for the right hand of fellowship. How about a left jab to the jaw instead? Forget your many ways to God crap. Toss your fuzzy wuzzy spirituality drivel. Trash your all dogs go to heaven tripe. Bag the broad way, baby. The Bible makes it blindingly clear that there’s one razor edged road to redemption—and anybody who ain’t on it is already on the highway to hell.

This is a big reason why Christianity is so uncool. Nobody likes narrow-minded religious zealots. They’re so—well, so narrow-minded. They look like idiots on all the talk shows and news programs, and they’re always pushing some draconian social agenda or sniffing disdainfully at people who get their kicks elsewhere. Worse, they’re always getting caught with their pants down, giving all the other hypocritical religious buffoons a bad name. The whole Christian “my way or the highway” thing is why so many people hate Christians’ guts, that and the fact that Christians are notoriously bad tippers.

But there it is in the Bible’s holy black and white: it’s Jesus or the junkyard. This is, of course, a major problem for Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Tom Cruise. Does the Bible actually mean that anybody who doesn’t jump through the Jesus hoop loses out on the entire God thing? Unfortunately for wanna-be Christian hipsters and political tolerance fairies the answer is a definite yep. Geez. No wonder nobody wants to talk Jesus at cocktail parties. Talk about chilled champagne.

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised at this divine narrow-mindedness. It’s highly unlikely that God would have stapled his only begotten kid to a post to give us just another spiritual option. That kind of brutality suggests a one shot deal. You go with the Jew boy, you’re okay. You don’t and you’re a God damned loser. Nobody, but nobody says no to the Kid and lives to tell about it. He’s a big embarrassment, a social dweeb, a cultural Cretin, but he holds the future of the freaking world in his bloody hands. Like it or not, it’s kiss up or die.

This doesn’t bode well for making nice with those other “great religions” everyone’s supposed to respect. If Jesus is da way da troof and da life, the uncomfortable conclusion is that any religion that bags the boy is bogus, no matter how historical or skilled with explosive devices. Christians are, by definition, religious bigots.

If you want to earn points with the hip crowd, you probably should keep this unfortunate tidbit under wraps.


One Response

  1. I gotta say that if this is an accurate depiction/definition of what it means to be a Christian (which I don’t think it is), well then, I’d rather go to hell.

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