Go Figure

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The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:25)

Yep. The man and woman. There in the garden. Buck naked. Their human assets hanging out for anybody to see. Did it bother them? Nope. First of all, there was nobody else around for them to compare themselves to. Adam was the big man on campus by default. Eve would have been the trophy babe even if she had buck teeth and crossed eyes. But, to give God a little credit, our primal progenitors were probably hot ticket items. (It was only after the Fall that humans felt the need for steroids and silicon implants.) Adam and Eve were no doubt centerfold material even if they were the only ones on the planet. No wonder they felt no shame.

I, on the other hand, find looking in the mirror an increasingly difficult task. What hair I have left is thin and graying. There is a significant open area on the back on my head, a condition commonly known as male pattern baldness. My face also shows signs of slow decomposition. My skin no longer has that youthful glow but sports a mildly mottled appearance not unlike lichen on stone. There are creases across my forehead and around my eyes, and a filigree of fine lines everywhere that remind me of old pottery.

But the real shock happens when I step out of the shower and face the large mirror. There, staring back at me, is a dumpy, rather homely middle-aged guy. And even though I exercise regularly (including pumping some weights), gravity has claimed much of the biometric landscape. Where once there was a sleek (if modestly) muscled waistline there is now a ring of something decidedly spongy. To my horror, I am face to face with an undeniable fact: yuck. Me stand naked and shameless? Are you kidding? I’m Exhibit A in the case for entropy.

If there’s a consolation, it’s that Adam and Eve eventually got old too, even if it took them over 900 years to do it. I can see the first couple now, sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of their retirement cottage somewhere east of Eden. Adam shakes a little. Eve’s breasts are arranged neatly in her lap. Adam is deaf and Eve suffers from cataracts. They rock silently and gaze nowhere in particular. Adam is thinking about the first time he saw his wife. Eve wonders where she left her teeth.

Whatever.

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