Cheeky Business


“But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” (Matthew 5:39)

Jesus is a pretty good savior, but he’s a lousy realist. What works for him doesn’t always work for the rest of us. In fact, even for him  it only worked for a few years. He eventually blew this joint to get ready to come back. And when he comes back, there ain’t nobody going to smack him on his cheek again. He’ll be doing all the cheek smacking.

The idea of turning the other cheek is a nice one on the surface. When somebody hauls off and whacks you one, you get a chance to show how humble and forgiving you are. But this only works when you have nothing at stake in the deal. If somebody’s really messing with you, it’s a different matter entirely. You don’t offer the other cheek, you offer the back freaking hand of fellowship right across the ol’ choppers.

Even Christians don’t practice this milk toast crap. Most Christians I know are the most militant S.O.B.s on the planet. They’re all for bombing the hell out of the bad guys. Do not resist an evil person? You’ve got to be kidding. We not only resist them, we do everything in our power to eliminate them. After all, we must make the world a freer, safer place to practice our faith. I love it. We kill the suckers so we can follow the lowly Jesus in safety and peace.

But forget the big evil guys. We can’t even handle the little evil guys. Even on a personal level there is no way we’re going to roll over for some jerk. Somebody tries to cut in line, we get all huffy. Somebody’s dog craps on our lawn, we look for ways to return the favor. The list goes on and on. If somebody steps on your toes, you are not going to offer the other foot unless it’s a boot to their cheek.

Jesus has some good ideas about heaven and all the other things that have nothing to do with real life. But for a survivalist, he isn’t exactly the go-to guy. But that will change when he rides back in town. Like the Apostle Paul says, “God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you.” O baby. Now that is something worth waiting for. I can’t wait to see what he does to my neighbor with the barking dog.


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