A King James Christmas

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. (Luke 2:7 KJV)

I’m all into modern and all that, especially when it comes to religion. I mean, a religion that’s stuck way back somewhere is a religion that’s just plain stuck. A good religion is one that can keep up with new kinds of sins that are being invented. Seriously, what good is it to be forgiven for sins that nobody commits anymore? And I’m pretty much in favor of keeping the Bible up to snuff too. If people are going to understand it, the Bible has to use words everybody uses.

Except for Christmas. No matter what else changes, Christmas needs to stay in the King James. All these lame attempts to modern up Christmas are totally bogus, except for maybe iPods, which Jesus probably would have used. There is no way that he would have used a Zune or some piece of Sony crap. Jesus would have been an Apple guy for sure. I doubt he needed a cell phone, being God and all, but if he had needed one I bet it would have been an iPhone. I can’t see Jesus with an iPad though. Too weird.

Anyway, like I said, Christmas is a King James Version holiday all the way. For example, the baby Jesus was so not wrapped in “cloths” (NIV) or “strips of cloth” (NLT) or—God forbid—in a stupid “blanket” (The Message). We’re not talking Linus here. Everybody knows that Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes like the King James says, and people who screw that up should be excommunicated for crimes against the manger.

And, as long as we’re on the subject, the angels did not tell the shepherds “Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you” or something really lame like “A Savior has just been born in David’s town.” NO! The angels said, “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord” just like the King James says they did. The list goes on and on.

Look. You can spiff up lots of things like theology and doctrine, which don’t really matter all that much, but do not mess with Christmas, which was pretty much invented single-handedly by King James even though he ended up croaking during a violent attack of dysentery. Personally, I say keep the King James in Christmas!

That’s all I have to say about it at this time.

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One Response

  1. Okay, I’m with you that it sounds dumb to wrap Jesus in a blanket, ala Linus. But none of the versions have the nerve to mention what Jesus was probably really wrapped it- the Aramaic equivalent of diapers. Think about it. What would be the first thing you would put on a baby? Hopefully they were at least clean. Just think about it- traveling on a donkey, staying in a stable, before the days of coin laudromats. The definition of swaddling cloths is strips of cloth (or balnket) wrapped around a baby, especially a newborn. While they might have wanted to control spit-up, I’m betting they were more concerned about the other end. As the children’s book says, “Everyone poops.” Even Jesus.

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