Blaspheme? Me?

But these men blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like brute beasts, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like beasts they too will perish. (2 Peter 2:12)

Good blasphemy is hard to come by. Most of the dolts who try to pull it off are total idiots who will die like animals. Good riddance. These jerks think that they’re being so clever or shocking or, well, blasphemous, but really they’re just being anal. Even the Apostle Paul, who was no slouch as a verbal flame thrower, confesses that his attempts at blasphemy were pretty lame because of his ignorance and unbelief. He was so bad at it, in fact, that when he got saved Jesus reassigned him to a different department.

The problem is that the only blasphemy most people know about is the blasphemous kind. This kind of blasphemy is merely the act of insulting or showing contempt for God. It’s slander against God and the lowest form of religious entertainment. Any hockey puck can insult God; he’s an easy target. It’s like throwing rocks at the ocean. After a while, even the plunkiest blasphemy gets boring. Just try listening to a few minutes of Don Rickles and you’ll see what I mean.

The reason this kind of blasphemy is the most widely practiced is that its only requirement is stupidity, a very common human resource. Blasphemous blasphemers don’t know squat about the God thing. They’re lobbing their impotent grenades at the mirror. Heck, God doesn’t even have to duck (which is the whole point of good blasphemy, which I’ll get to). The only thing these religious turd throwers get out of the deal is stinky hands. Oh, and a big surprise after the buzzer.

Good blasphemy, on the other hand, is pure art. Unlike blasphemous blasphemy which is founded in ignorance and unbelief, good blasphemy is rooted in stubborn faith and a tenacious conviction that what the Bible says is true—or if it isn’t, it ought to be. Good blasphemers don’t toss turds at the mirror; they hurl truth—barbed and acidic from hard core human experience—back in the teeth of the dude who made the promises. Good blasphemers hold God to a higher standard than he sometimes seems to hold for himself. Good blasphemers can smell a broken promise a mile away. They can uncover a botched prophecy cleverly hidden beneath piles of religious double-speak and can freeze-frame divine duplicity like a frenzied mob of paparazzi. Good blasphemy crosses lines that need to be crossed. It turns the glare of divine glory back on itself. The good blasphemer knows he’s toast for sure, but he simply doesn’t care. Too much is at stake to count on personal survival.

Bad blasphemers make us cringe; good ones make God cringe. Bad blasphemers try to prove God wrong; good ones want God to make it right. Bad blasphemers are blinded by willful ignorance; good ones are blinded by too much light. Bad blasphemers are self-deceived; good ones know they’re self-deceived.

Me? Depends upon the day.

 

 

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