Plan Apparenthood

The LORD has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil. (Proverbs 16:4)

Mosquitos are a case in point. The point being, what’s the point of them? I grew up in North Dakota where, on summer evenings, you took your life into your hands if you went outdoors. In a matter of moments you were engulfed in a zizzing cloud of ravenous mosquitos whose only apparent mission was to drain you dry. If God intended these nano-terrorists as bird and bat food, it seems to me that he either should have made more hungry birds and bats or way fewer mosquitos. It is impossible—I repeat—impossible to praise God for his wisdom from the center of a frenzied mosquito vortex.

Then there’s that oddity of human physiological oddities, the appendix, whose only demonstrable contribution to the human condition is appendicitis. This little dead-ended tube near the junction of the small intestine and the large intestine seems to function mostly as job security for low-level surgeons. This, of course, begs the question as to why God would put that useless piece of sausage casing in there in the first place. We sure as heck can’t figure it out. That’s why we call it an appendix. All we know is that it’s an extra part that nobody knows the purpose of.

And what’s the virus all about anyway? All viruses do is infect things. That’s their job. Why in the world would God want to make a tiny noxious agents that replicate inside the cells of other organisms with the express purpose to make them sick? So, to help keep the infected organism alive, he has to install an immune system to counteract the viruses he invented. Seems like extra work. Nix the virus and you don’t need an immune system. Maybe that’s too obvious for him. Maybe he likes making extraneous, self-cancelling stuff. Maybe he’s got too much time on his hands.

And then there’s the whole predestination thing, weirdness writ large. God makes some people for noble use and some people for ignoble use. God aims some people at heaven and targets the other poor suckers for hell. It seems that the purpose of the wicked is “for the day of evil.” I guess God planned ahead to make sure he had at least a few folks to lob into the lake of fire. It’d be kind of embarrassing to hold a day of damnation and end up without anybody to damn. Still, this sounds a bit like the virus/immune system deal. Why make people to damn and then have to damn them? Of course, this doesn’t take into account the sheer entertainment value of eternal torment, which, I have to admit, has a lot going for it.

I guess God’s got his own ideas about things, his own reasons that he keeps to himself. I can understand that. I’d hate to have to explain my actions all the time. Shoot. Sometimes I don’t have good reasons for doing stuff. (I have no idea why I bought a can of fart spray at a joke shop last year, other than it was a can of fart spray for sale at a joke shop.) Anyway, I’m thinking that God, being God, has the right to keep some of his reasons to himself. The guy who invents the game writes the rules.

The mosquito thing still bugs me though.


3 Responses

  1. Good point about pre-destination. I tend to think that God pointed us ALL to heaven, but we wobble around and wind up pointing ourselves to hell. Remember Paul (or was it Peter, shoot, maybe it was Mutle the Butcher) said that God didn’t wish ANY of us to perish. Of course, the problem with that is that it kinda negates the “specialness” of being predestined.

  2. You bring up a lot of great questions, but the short answer to them is that Jesus’ message has been VERY twisted around.

    For example, Jesus did not believe in Hell! There’s no way he could have, not if what he originally taught God was like is true.

    I’ve actually written an entire book on this topic–Hell? No! Why You Can Be Certain There’s No Such Place As Hell, (for anyone interested, you can get a free ecopy of Did Jesus Believe in Hell?, one of the most compelling chapters in my book at, but if I may, let me share one of the many points I make in it to explain why.

    If one is willing to look, there’s substantial evidence contained in the gospels to show that Jesus opposed the idea of Hell. For example, in Luke 9:51-56, is a story about his great disappointment with his disciples when they actually suggested imploring God to rain FIRE on a village just because they had rejected him. His response: “You don’t know what spirit is inspiring this kind of talk!” Presumably, it was NOT the Holy Spirit. He went on, trying to explain how he had come to save, heal and relieve suffering, not be the CAUSE of it.

    So it only stands to reason that this same Jesus, who was appalled at the very idea of burning a few people, for a few horrific minutes until they were dead, could never, ever burn BILLIONS of people for an ETERNITY!

    True, there are a few statements that made their way into the copies of copies of copies of the gospel texts which place “Hell” on Jesus’ lips, but these adulterations came along many decades after his death, most likely due to the Church filling up with Greeks who imported their belief in Hades with them when they converted.

    Bear in mind that the historical Protestant doctrine of the inspiration of the Scriptures applies only to the original autographs, not the copies. But sadly, the interpolations that made their way into those copies have provided a convenient excuse for a lot of people to get around following Jesus’ real message.

  3. maybe he created the immune system and then had to give it something to do:P

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