Remember the Sabbath & Keep it Short—A Sermon Wholly in the Manner of Myself

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

I like you. I really do. You are a special person, created in God’s image. And because God likes you, I like you too. When God made you he made you exactly like he wanted you to be. You are not a mistake like your mother told you; you were made through a process that always results in new people. Your mother knows this; she’s still just a little miffed about it, that’s all. Forgive her; she’s your mother.

But I like you. I like you a lot. There’s nobody else just like you. Really. Did you know that each snowflake is different from all the others? There are no two flakes alike. You are just like that. You’re like one of God’s flakes, falling down from the cold winter sky and piling up on the roads and sidewalks. People die from traffic accidents caused by snow on the roads. People also die from heart attacks from shoveling heaps of snow from the front doors. It’s a tragedy really. But can you blame any one snowflake for that? Of course not. It’s when you get a bunch of flakes together that the problems start. So please, for the sake of the rest of us, avoid flash mobs. Other than that, be a flake in the world with all your heart.

Here are some things I like about you:

  • You show me that God’s love is completely indiscriminate. He loves even those who don’t deserve it. His standards for acceptance are really low, which makes my position in him secure. You assure me that I’m in like Flynn.
  • You make me look good. When it comes to godliness, your personal resumé makes me positively heroic. Compared to yours, my own character and divine accomplishments glare like a spit-shined pair of army boots. (Your mother would appreciate this.)
  • You allow me to accept someone less fortunate than I. I sympathize over the cards that God has dealt you, and I encourage you to make the best of it. God’s ways are mysterious. To some people he gives great gifts, to others just okay ones. I don’t hold it against you. Far from it; our relationship gets me extra points.
  • Your adoration of me is both affirming and apt. I rejoice that God has given you insight to recognize spiritual quality in a world so lacking in it. You have no idea how discouraging it can be when so few realize true genius. Your esteem reminds me that I am, indeed, what I believe myself to be.

You see, there really is a reason for you not to shoot yourself. Even though you may be destined to be a nameless, insignificant face in the crowd, a minor zit on the backside of history, you can be a part of my greatness and rejoice that I’m not going to end up like you. This, my friend, is something for you to hold onto. Remember, those who have little to gain also have little to lose. You can’t get much lower that you are already.

So be encouraged.


One Response

  1. You must be the anti-Joel Osteen…

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