Alien and Stranger


“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8)

So just what does God think about? I mean, when he’s not planning Armageddon or checking the temperature of the lake of fire. He’s got the mechanics of the universe oiled pretty well so it probably runs on autopilot most of the time—with minor adjustments from time to time for miracles, disasters, and general system maintenance. And since he knows everything past, present, and future, it’s not like there are things he still has to figure out or be surprised about. And since he supposedly doesn’t make mistakes he doesn’t have to go back and fix stuff he screwed up (well, except for that reprayer incident I talked about before). So what’s he going to do with his infinite gray matter (or would that be white matter for that matter)? I suppose he could contemplate himself a lot. Since he’s God it’s unlikely that he’d run out of self material to think about. I know I can be pretty entertained by my own self now and then, so I wouldn’t put it past him to self-meditate to kill time—well, until the Big Bang anyway.

Even weirder is that God doesn’t seem to do anything like I do. Whatever way I do something, I can be doggone sure that God wouldn’t do it that way. So what I am supposed to make of that? What good is praying “O God show me your ways” if as soon as I try one on for size it becomes my way and is no longer his way which puts me back to square one. That seems counter-productive. Just how are you supposed to imitate somebody whose playbook is written in Rubik’s Cube?

It’s obvious that God’s modus operandi is a little, shall we say, tilted? In fact, his whole approach to everything is totally flipped from a normal person’s. Jesus is a perfect example. He tells us to love our enemies, for one thing. How whacked can you get? What’s the point in having enemies if you can’t hate their freaking guts? And if you don’t hate them, they’re not your enemies in the first place. Flipped. And then he says that if a person wants to find his life he must lose it. Yeah, just try that with your car keys sometime. The list goes on and on. But maybe the flippiest thing of all is that Jesus reportedly defeats death by—dying? Hello? That seems a lot like trying to lose weight by eating donuts.

When we’re talking God we’re talking Mr. Mutatis. This deity is decidedly not your normal, run-of-the-mill supreme being as sold in local markets. Our guy’s running an OS all by himself. Don’t even think that he’s thinking like you think. He’s 720 degrees off plumb line and rewriting as he goes along. He’s as mad as a hatter on LSD with a doctorate in quantum physics. Let’s face it, kids. God is just plain out there.

What a great religion.


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