Coming Out


Do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord.
—2 Timothy 1:8

There’s no real preparing at home for stand-up.
You just go and you just do it.
—Louis C. K.

I have an announcement. Many of you may have suspected my peculiar orientation for some time. I’ve tried to keep myself in the mainstream, avoiding the obvious signatures often associated with my identity. Over the years I’ve downplayed associations with my more extreme and outspoken comrades and have attempted to project something a little less flammable. This has caused some confusion on both sides of the aisle, but I generally prefer enigma to stigma.

But the times, they are a-changing. The closet is so yesterday.

So here goes . . . .

I am a pansectual, old rugged cross-dresser—a generally gay, queerly bipartisan religious individual who was snatched off the broadway back in ’79.

I’m an immoderate imbiber of spirit and a zealous drinker of blood—a bona fide theological cannibal. I’m as alien and strange as you could ever imagine.

I’ve been double-checked, double-minded, double-faced, and double-crossed. I’ve double-dealt, double-parked, and double-talked. I was once double-trouble and double-breasted, but was singled out, double-teamed, double-dipped, and left for double-dead in the water.

In short, I’m a honest to God metaphysical tranny, a drag on the evolutionary social order, a hole in the progressive dike, and an inexcusable heaven is my home-ophile.

Whew. I’m glad we’ve finally got that straight.



2 Responses

  1. No problem,……… we all knew it and love you anyway. You are toooooooo funny.

  2. The closet is no place for the likes of you. Don’t worry, be happy

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